5 pieces of advice every parent should follow

Part of the territory that comes with being a
parent is receiving loads and loads of advice.

People are often willing to share their opinion on a matter, even when you didn’t ask for it. We’ve just got to get used to hearing advice from those around us, as it’s an inevitable part of joining the parenthood club.

As a first time parent, you instantly become overwhelmed with a laundry
list of things you should or shouldn’t be doing. You will second guess the
decisions you’ve made, hoping that you aren’t screwing up your child’s life.

From family members to online chat boards to best selling books, you will likely find yourself inundated with tips, strategies, recommendations, and words of wisdom. People dole out advice left and right, typically with the best of intentions, but sometimes unwarranted. Whether you choose to follow it or not, it’s something you just can’t escape. Getting advice can cause you to question the methods you’re using and the style of parenting you’ve adopted…So and so said this is the best way to _____.
BUT….this person said I’m better off doing it this way.

Neighbor A swears by this product, but Neighbor B never used it…total waste of time she says. Doctor insists that you do something one way while your intuition and gut say something otherwise.

The catch is…..there is no ONE correct way to parent. There is no right answer. There isn’t one mother out there that has it all figured out.
No parent has ever produced the “perfect” child.

It’s natural to strive to be the best kind of parent. You try to be as receptive as possible and listen to what everyone has to say, as they are more experienced than you. But, in my opinion, you don’t learn the most through the advice you’re given. Rather, you learn through trial and error, your own experiences and mishaps, and following that thing
commonly know as our “motherly instinct”.

Yes, there was a lot of great advice I received that helped me survive my first year of motherhood. BUT, if there was anything I wish I could tell all soon-to-be or first time parents out there, it would be these 5 things. To me, this is the advice that really matters…..not what brand of diapers or pacifier you use or whether you bottle or breast feed. What’s truly important is….

TRUTH #1

We’ve all felt it. The judging eyes. The mom across the room with a look of disbelief on her face because your little Johnny is having a fit. The mom that sighs loudly in annoyance as your child melts down at the playground. The mom who shakes her head in disapproval, subtly making you feel inferior and incompetent. It’s moments when we feel like we just can’t keep it together that it seems everyone around you is staring and thinking what a frazzled mom you are. When you’re little one is having a less than stellar day, rather than feeling support, encouragement, and a sense of camaraderie with other moms, you’re left feeling like an outcast.

NEWSFLASH! No matter how organized, disciplined, and put together of a mom you are, your kids will have their fair share of cringeworthy moments. There will be PLENTY of times when you’re not on your mark or at your best. EVERY. SINGLE. MOM. will have bad days. And, there will be really good days, too. But in between both, there will be instances when the urge strikes to stare, whisper, or condemn someone else. We all will face it at some point. Whatever you do, remember that bringing someone else down will NEVER make you a better parent. Just because your little angel happens to be well rested that day, decided to eat all of his lunch, or typically is a laid back dude, doesn’t make you the world’s greatest mom. Sometimes it just boils down to luck. Sometimes we can chalk it up to good parenting. Majority of the time, it’s a mix of both. The fact of the matter is that your little cherub is bound to have rough days, as will the child of the mom who whispers and stares. So try to be a little kinder and uplift those around you who are struggling. Give someone a nod rather than a criticizing glance. As the saying goes, “Blowing out someone else’s candle doesn’t make yours shine brighter!”

TRUTH #2

“Moooom….I’m bored.”

“Okay honey, go get your stuff on and head outside”

“Will you come play with me, mom? Puhleeease?”

You think quietly to yourself :
“I need to cook dinner…..”
“I’ve had a REALLY long day…”
“I’m exhausted…”
“There are dishes in the sink….”
“The laundry needs to be folded…..”

You pause for a second and hesitate to respond, secretly hoping he will be on his way….soon forgetting about the invitation for you to join him. Sad, but true.

As a parent, when you’ve got a million and one things to get done, it can be very tempting to bypass the opportunity to join in on the adventure. Some of us aren’t the outdoorsy type, and that is okay. BUT…your child(ren) are only young once. It won’t be long before they are grown and hanging out with mom and dad is not quite as idyllic as it once was.

Sure, it’s easy to stay on the sidelines and be a spectator. You decide you can be so much more productive while you watch from inside…peering out the window, happily waving back at your child. Yes, choosing to go outside may inconvenience you and create a little setback for the day. It may cause dishes to sit in the sink and laundry to go unfolded. But, going outside with your child will always be worth it. Some of the best childhood memories are when parents and kids spend time exploring together, getting muddy, and using nature for entertainment! If I’ve learned anything so far, it’s that household chores can wait…everything will get done eventually. If you want your child to get off their Ipad or to put the video games on hold, you need to go out and experience the world WITH THEM! Be the example!

TRUTH #3
Kids are sponges, plain and simple. As they grow up, your child will watch your every move, imitating you as closely as they can. This can be very frightening at times, especially when you lose your cool or patience wears thin. Parenthood can get the best of us, but the attitude you exude greatly impacts the way your child will view life. Your attitude will determine how they respond to challenges. Your attitude will determine how they treat others. Your attitude will determine the type of person they become. Your attitude has more influence on them than any other person they will come to know. Over the years, they will remember some of what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel. As the old adage goes, “Actions speak louder than words.” Your attitude means a lot!

TRUTH #4
The urge to spoil our children will always be something to contend with. That pouty lip followed by an endearing, “Please mom!” is somewhat unbearable (I can only imagine, as I’ve gone through this with my nieces and nephews). Those puppy dog eyes are enough to win you over. Kids are so good at negotiating. I’m not sure how it works, but they seem to have this special knack for getting what they want…..whenever they ask.

But, at a young age, kids often do not realize the importance of certain gifts. They only seem to yearn for physical items that bring instant satisfaction. But, two gifts that are irreplaceable and something they will come to thank you for later in life is Roots and Wings. To provide your child with a solid foundation, living with a strong moral compass and having a sense that they can always come home, is one of the most important gifts you can give. While most mommas out there secretly wish their babies never had to grow up and move on with their life, deep down….we want them to go out and achieve their dreams. While it is important that they know you will always be there for them at any given moment, it is equally as important to give them wings, so they know how to take chances and venture out into the world!

TRUTH #5

I had a conversation this summer with a friend that made me stop in my tracks and think. She told me that one aspect of parenthood that she found hard to do was allowing her child to be who she was meant to be. I asked her what she meant by this. She said that, as parents, we often idealize what our kids will be like. She always thought her daughter would be more extroverted like her. She didn’t think she would be a bit shy or someone who takes her time to acclimate to certain situations. She wasn’t like that as a child, so she didn’t imagine her child to be either. But, God didn’t make her to be just like mom. God made her daughter to be her own unique person. He provided her with certain talents and gifts that no one else has. Our job as parents is to nurture these gifts and bring out the very best in our kids.

This really REALLY resonated with me. Sometimes, I need to take a step back and remember that my son is a BLEND, a perfect balance of me and my husband. Certain traits he will get from me and some will be the complete opposite. Rather than setting up expectations of what he will be like, it is important to accept him as he is. Encouraging him to do things at his own speed (rather than mine!) and expressing his ideas the way he chooses is the best thing I can do for him. The more I try to impose my ways upon him, the more stifled he will become. The very best thing you can do for your child is to value individuality, no matter how similar or different they are than you! To truly love your child is to let them be themselves.

So, to all you soon to be or current parents out there, remember that some advice actually IS worth following. Just follow your intuition, listen to your gut, and let your heart lead the way.