5 Things I Want My Son To Know

Looking back now, there are 5 things my dad (probably unknowingly) taught me that I want my son to know.  It will help shape him into a better person!

I grew up in a middle class family and was afforded much of the nice things you can think of…going on yearly family vacations, having nice clothes, being able to participate in a multitude of activities, to name a few.  This was all in part due to the many sacrifices my dad made, almost always behind closed doors.  Growing up, he worked 3 different jobs at once to help provide the best life for his family.  I vividly remember him waking up in the middle of the night to go to his paper route job, delivering newspapers to local businesses.  At the time, I thought it was an exciting adventure when I would get to wake up in the middle of the night and join him.  Looking back now, I realize how tired he must have been by day’s end.  After finishing this job, he went to his full-time “day job”, followed by his 3rd job of being a referee at different sporting events.  My dad made CONSTANT sacrifices for our family that most people never knew about.  He did this so his children would be able to live a life they desired.  I want my son to know that he will have to make sacrifices of all kinds in life and they will often require extra time and effort.  Many sacrifices we make in life will go unnoticed, and sometimes even, unappreciated.  It’s okay.  Remember that they will be worth it in the long run.

I’ve learned this lesson a great deal over the past three years, especially when it pertains to my family’s history of diabetes.  My dad has been a juvenile diabetic (requires insulin shots/pump) for over 30 years.  For as long as I can remember, my siblings and I have always given him a hard time, criticizing the way he manages his diabetes and how poorly he takes care of his health.  We continually make comments like,   “Dad, you should have more self control!”  or “Why are you eating that?!” or “You’re seriously having that big of a piece?  You need to watch your portions.” and the list goes on.  Yes, we obviously love him to death and want to see him thrive and live a long, healthy life.  But, it’s FAR easier to criticize someone until you’ve walked a day in their life.  This is now my second time having gestational diabetes during pregnancy, where I’m up to taking 5 shots a day of insulin and having to follow a strict food regimen.  For someone with a massive sweet tooth like myself and LOVES carbs, it’s a very hard disease to maintain.  For the first time ever, I realize the struggles and temptations he faces on a daily basis.  When you are at a wedding, baby shower, birthday party, backyard BBQ, holiday, work function….anywhere that dessert is offered and EVERYONE is eating it RIGHT. IN. FRONT. OF. YOU…..it’s pretty damn hard to constantly refuse and say no.  The phrase, “You want it more because you can’t have it” has never been so true.  What’s even harder are the days where you eat the exact same thing and your glucose readings are completely different.  What?!?!  Stress, lack of sleep, illness….there are so many factors that impact diabetes.  Yes, my dad can certainly be more consistent or make better choices.  But, can’t we all?? Having gone through this, I realize how easy and quick it becomes to criticize the actions of those around us. We become so quick to offer advice, our opinions, or share what YOU would do in a situation, many times offering a “simple solution” to their problems.  Much easier said than done. I want my son to try and walk a day, week, month, heck…a year, in someone’s shoes before criticizing and condemning someone.  You just never know what they go through or face each day!

I’m not just saying this because he’s my dad, but I have one of the smartest out there.  Truly. Unfortunately, the term “SMART” has many different meanings to many people.  Some believe that the higher degree you earn, the smarter you are.  In my eyes, my dad proves this theory to be entirely false.  Did he go to college and graduate?  No.  Could he if he had tried?  Without a doubt.  My dad wasn’t cut out for the academic life.  He is as smart as a whip and more knowledgeable than most people I know, but it just wasn’t in the cards for him. The single factor that makes him more successful than most people in my eyes is that he has worked hard his entire life.  You can have every credential in the book, but it’s grit that brings you far in life.  Being a teacher for 8 years, this could be said for kids as well.  I had kids in the magnet and gifted programs, acing every test.  I had students pegged as “low” or “developing” because they didn’t perform as well on tests.  None of that mattered. What mattered most were the ones who came in each day and worked hard, giving forth their best effort.  They will be the most successful in life. My dad was able to provide for his family not because of his degree and fabulous job he landed, but because he worked hard, day in and day out.  I want my son to know that education is important, absolutely.  But, the true path to success and growth in life is hard work, plain and simple.

My dad never went to trade school.  He learned everything he knows through trial and error….picking up a book or reading an instruction manual.  My dad was quite the handyman growing up, building our entire deck from scratch, constructing bunk beds for me and my brothers, creating elaborate home projects that one would think someone earned a degree for.  Rather than hiring out help, my dad always found a way to fix a problem or make something happen.  I swear, he was and always will be, a jack of all trades.  The man is 60+ years old with two toes left on his feet (damn diabetes) and absolutely NO balance, but he STILL manages to lay the flooring in my brother’s attic at his new house and help him restore parts of his old home.  Just last year he built my husband a stand for his grill just by “eyeballing” it.   The lesson I want my son to learn is that you can do ANYTHING you put your mind to.  Pick up a book, watch a video, ask questions, and be open to learning.  There is so much you are capable of if you are willing to try!  You’ll make mistakes along the way, but that’s the only way you learn.

While some of the misfortunes in my dad’s life are a result to choices he has made, a lot of the struggles he has faced happen regardless of what he does or does not do.  My dad has had open heart surgery, multiple amputations on his feet, and far too many hospital stays than we can count with our fingers.  Living with diabetes hasn’t been easy, on him or my mom.  But, it’s a genetics thing and something you have to deal with. Life can be unfair.  You have good days and bad days. Sometimes you have GOD AWFUL, HORRENDOUS days….over and over again….and you have to learn to roll with the punches.  He has been a great example of this.  Through all of the difficult days he has faced, he takes them in stride (which sometimes drives us all nuts….his calmness, casual attitude).  But because of his ability to do so, he has taught us all the importance of rolling with the punches and keeping your head up, one day at a time.