Terms like “Wedded Bliss” should not exist…because we all know that marriage is never pure joy 100% of the time. Heck, you’re one of the lucky ones if you’re batting 500 consistently. No matter how wonderful your spouse is, it takes an incredible amount of patience to create and sustain a happy home.
P – POTTY TIME
It begins when they learn how to take off the diaper. Then comes dropping things in the toilet. Next is teaching them to aim carefully, wipe sufficiently, and to remember to flush. Whatever the case may be, things pertaining to the potty ALWAYS seem to be a messy endeavor. Poop and pee somehow become the center of your attention for more time than we care to admit. Trying to get little boys (okay, even grown men) to lift the seat up is something that will always need reminding. Even better are those lovely moments when everyone has just gotten bundled up, buckled into the car, and a voice from the backseat shouts with urgency, “I have to go to the bathroom!”
A – ASKING QUESTIONS OVER & OVER
From the infamous, “Are we there yet?” to many other inquisitions kids make, it can be exhausting having to answer the millions of questions that your child will pose on a daily basis. Road trips tend to be the times when kids really fire away. When your little cherubs are younger, the questions are redundant and come at you every 30 seconds. They typically respond to your every answer with, “WHY?!” They never seem to be satisfied with the answer you’ve provided. It just isn’t enough. Sometimes we share a white lie to cease the endless question asking. Sometimes we tell the truth and it still gets us nowhere. Regardless, you can’t avoid the questions. THEY. WILL. COME. Now….fast forward some years ahead when they are more than capable of handling your response, but now they ask questions you may not be equipped to answer…..or simply feel uncomfortable doing so. The questions will be deep, well thought out, and come at you from left field! Sometimes nothing can prepare you for them.
T – TANTRUMS & TALKING BACK
Do tantrums ever really go away? Sure, the frequency and intensity probably change over time, but I’m not sure that they ever really disappear. During the toddler years, they are inexplicable…..no rhyme or reason behind them. These moments require an astronomical amount of patience from you….to simply ignore and take a deep breath. At times, you find yourself wishing for some headphones and a muzzle. Toddler tantrums are overly dramatic and can be quite embarrassing when you’re out in public. Once kids get older, the tantrums become more methodical and carefully crafted. Most of the time, they appear in the form of a sassy attitude with bouts of talking back. Eye rolls, heavy sighs, stomping up the stairs, slamming bedroom doors….you name it, they’ll try it. Kids have a special and unique way of attempting to get their way. To handle these situations with a sense of calm can be quite challenging, especially when you wish you could just throw one yourself….right there in the middle of the floor. I bet you’d feel better, too….it’s liberating and freeing.
I – INDEPENDENCE STRIKES
This one just MIGHT require the most patience of all. Moments when your child wants to do E-VA-REE-THING on his/her own will warrant a shot of tequila. Seriously though, from walking down the stairs (one slow step at a time) to tying their shoes to zippering their jacket, completing these simple tasks can take forever….and then some!! Yes, you don’t want to squash their excitement. You want them to learn important skills and feel confident in trying. But for the love of God, can we just move a little faster than a snail’s pace please?! The thing is, kids could care less about doing things on their own when we have all the time in the world. BUT, when we are in a hurry and have some place to be, for some unknown reason, THAT is when kids seem to refuse any and all help that you offer. NOPE….they simply must do it all by themselves. One must not interfere.
E – EVERY ANSWER IS NO
Do you want to go home? NO! Do you want to stay? NO! Are you all done? NO! Do you want more? NO! For goodness sakes, what do you want?!?! After every no response has been given, you begin to wonder if your child even knows what the word no really means. After I hear a few NOs, I begin to use a little reverse psychology and ask a question that would elicit a definite yes. And surprise surprise, almost always, the answer is….NO. It’s as if someone from wordy wonderland whispered into their ear that the best way to drive your parents crazy is by using the word NO…..for everything.
N – NAP REFUSAL & SLEEP ISSUES
I’m not even sure if I’m referring to nap refusals from my child or sleep issues with me. Both lead to an extreme lack of patience on my part. I’ll be honest and admit that I am a total monster when I’m running on little sleep. Truth be told. But there is nothing worse than when your kids are overtired and refuse that precious nap that you would take in a hot minute! Trying to keep your little one awake in the car as nap time approaches can be a monumental task. If my son would fall asleep, good luck ever getting him back to sleep once you got home. Enter teething and colds to the mix. These bad boys really throw a wrench in the sleep cycle…..for both of us.
C – CAR RIDES & CAR SEAT RESISTANCE
By the sounds my child makes while being strapped into his seat, you would think that my car was a torture chamber….full of unearthly, poisonous creatures waiting to make their attack. It is NOT THAT BAD, kiddo….relaaaaax! What makes this even worse is when it’s the dead of winter and you are standing outside in negative wind chills…..and all you are trying to do is get your child safely into the car. You say spastically with little to no patience, “I’m trying to HELP you, buddy….mom’s going as fast as she possibly can.” If only they understood this much. Then, once the car ride begins, the two seconds of silence ends and the screaming ensues. Crap….he dropped his snacks. Awesome. He threw the water bottle across the seat and wants it back. Now, he wants to take his shoes and socks off but doesn’t know how. If only I had 8 arms, car rides would be much more pleasant….
E – EATING HABITS
Similar to the infamous book, Go the F!#*k to Sleep, a new title has recently emerged, with good reason. It’s called You Have to F@*king eat! I’m just glad I’m not the only one struggling immensely with the eating dilemma. One day, the kid LOVES mac n’ cheese….can’t get enough of it. He would house down two full boxes if I let him. Fast forward to the following week and he acts disgusted by it. WHAT?!?! Just can’t wrap my head around it. The patterns in eating are a constantly evolving matter. My pediatrician so calmly and matter of factly reminds us that he should be eating what we are eating. Sounds simple. Right. So, I labor in the kitchen crafting up a well-balanced meal, including all of the necessities. He surely will eat SOMETHING on this plate. Not so fast. Rather than at least trying a bite or two, the food gets tossed onto the empty canvas of our wood floor or nearby wall, as if he is Picasso throwing paint to create a masterpiece. Bravo….well done, kid. So glad you like my food. Maybe someday….I hope.
