There is a guy I know and he is not the nicest of fellas. In fact, he is a criminal…a crook, I tell ya.
He robs people….robs them of simple joys. He is known for stealing your happiness. He makes life a whole lot more complicated and creates insecurity in me and many others. This is not someone I like being friends with.
His name is Comparison.
I realized one day that I must (at least try to) let him go.
It’s inevitable. At certain points in our lives, most of us, if not all, will posses the mentality of “The grass is greener on the other side.” We may even fall into the trap of “Keeping up with the Jones”.
Sadly, I am guilty as charged. Whether I’d like to admit it or not, I suffer from this comparison disease.
As much as I try so very hard to avoid him at all costs, he just seems to whittle his way into my life. His primary objective is to make you feel inferior, devalued, and defeated. You’re having a rough day…not feeling confident in your abilities, wishing circumstances were different, struggling to maintain balance in your life, lacking motivation, or failing to achieve your goals. Mr. C lurks in the shadows of your life and eventually becomes quite persistent…waiting until you are vulnerable so he can make an appearance.
Comparing your life with others can be detrimental in many ways. At times, we create an over inflated sense of self when we compare our successes to other people. The same goes for our failures and shortcomings. We are constantly trying to measure up to those around us, and as a result, diminish our own worth. Instead of recognizing and appreciating all of the GOOD things in our life, we instead direct our attention to what we are missing…in turn, trying to become more like those who possess traits or qualities we lack. The desire to keep up is exhausting and can become a volatile cycle.
Rather than appreciating what we have at that moment, we seem to always want something new or different. Is this issue exacerbated by pop culture and social media? I believe so. With the birth of new phenomenons such as Pinterest, ETSY, Instagram, Twitter,and Facebook, it’s quite difficult to feel like anything you do is good enough…someone else does it better than you. While I use many of these sites myself, I fully realize it perpetuates my perfectionistic tendencies and creates an unnecessary feeling of discontentment.
How about those mom friends who are multi-tasking machines? You know, the ones who throw together dinners that look, smell, and taste like they belong in master Chef Ramsey’s acclaimed restaurant.
They are the same ones who have created hilarious and witty Elf on the Shelf displays, plan the amazingly organized and detailed baby gender reveal parties and first birthday bashes with smash cake pictures and all.
What about ones who carefully plan bridal showers and weddings that look like they should be on a two page spread in a magazine, or manage to make those DIY projects found on Pinterest…. things like repurposed furniture and holiday decor items that make your home look like it belongs on HGTV!
What about the people who have enough money to travel around the country, heck even the world, taking time off work to indulge. They are all smiles and must certainly be “living the life”.
These are people who seamlessly and effortlessly (so it appears) balance their work and social lives….hopping from one activity to the next, without ever managing to skip a beat. The thing is….I strive to be like these people at times….more crafty, creative, and handy. BUT…in the process, I’m trying to do too much and forget to focus on what I’m good at or what my talents are. Instead of sticking to what I’m genuinely passionate about, even if it’s one thing…I sometimes try to be good at what other people are….simply because it’s enticing. I try to adopt a new style, acquire a new skill, or maybe attempt a new hobby. I can’t possibly do it all and shouldn’t try to. Would I love to be a professional photographer, skilled chef, or artistic home decorator? Sure….that would be really exciting. But, that’s the thing of it all. We compare our lives to everyone assuming that they live the most exciting lives….way more exciting than our own. We ASSUME.
Assumption quickly becomes Mr. Comparison’s sidekick. We assume everyone else has more money, better behaved children, homes that are spacious, families that are supportive, jobs they are passionate about….and the list goes on. When we assume, we somehow create this new world in our mind that doesn’t exist. Let’s face it….in some way or another, we all create this euphoric land in our heads where everyone else has it better than you. When we look at the world through this kind of lense, we will never be satisfied. We have to begin to become happy for those around us and focus on what we DO HAVE and what we are GOOD AT. The thing is…everyone is fighting their own personal, daily battles. Everyone has something they lack. Everyone wishes they could be better at something.
Trying to maintain the pace of life I had prior to becoming a mom is honorable, but very unlikely. These days, I’m lucky if I get a load of laundry washed, dried, ironed, folded, and put away….or the dishwasher emptied or the bed made or lunch eaten or mail taken out of the mailbox since last Tuesday. But, that’s okay. Life isn’t a competition. If you live everyday trying to compete with those around you while comparing your feats, you will never learn to be happy.
When I found out I was pregnant, I soon discovered that two of my good friends and sister-in-law were as well! Such an exciting time for all of us. We would be able to share in this experience and create wonderful memories. But, I will never forget the wise words shared to me by my mom. Simple and honest. She told me never to compare my son to any of the other kids. Nothing fruitful would come of it. She said to focus on him as an individual and realize that he will have his very own strengths and weaknesses. I shook my head and nodded in total agreement!!
MUCH EASIER SAID THAN DONE….
No matter how hard I try sometimes, I fail…miserably. Is it my pride that gets in the way? Do I want to impress people and make them think I’m not a terrible mom and that his weaknesses are not a result of my parenting? Is it my fear that he won’t thrive or develop normally? Whatever it may be, I know that the more I compare, the less focused I am on what HE CAN do or what a blessing he is.
Comparison takes you away from the moment at hand. It does not allow you to appreciate the gifts you’ve been granted. The more you compare your life with others, the less time you have to enjoy your blessings. Someone will always have something you don’t. Someone will always be better at something than you. Someone will always appear to be happier than they are. Sometimes people will seem to do it all when I can barely make it through the day. But…..
(Visited 101 times, 4 visits today)
