the hardest things and the right things are the same…..as The Fray song goes. But, I believe it’s true. Change isn’t easy. At least for me it never has been. I’ve always been the person to resist change….at all costs. I get comfortable with where I am in life and am content with what is. I’m the type of person who tends to hold on tightly to things and it is hard to let go. Whether I’m comfortable at a point in life, I don’t want memories to fade, the fear of missing out, looking back and wondering what if, or just the feeling that you may regret something….makes change a difficult thing. But, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized it’s not about letting go, but moreso, it’s about creating new experiences and memories to add to your photo book of life. Over the course of the past year, I’ve been faced with an extremely tough decision. It has been one that I haven’t taken lightly and waited to make for a long time. I’ve contemplated deeply, playing both sides of the coin. I’ve created scenarios in my head and envisioned my life both ways. Knowing that my life would change forever once Ethan arrived, I wasn’t sure what my role would look like after that as a parent.
Being a teacher for the past 8 years was full of excitement, pride, spontaneity, a lot of learning, and a whole lot of fun! In this profession, I’m fortunate enough to take a year off with a guaranteed position in the district the following year. So, after much thought and consideration……..and looking at this face for the past seven weeks, I have decided that I am going to stay at home this year. Yep, I’m going to be a stay at home mom. Now that term has often carried a lot of negativity or cynicism with it. I’m not ashamed to claim that term. Being a mom is now my biggest priority and responsibility. In true fashion at this time of the summer, I will not be following the annual ritual of heading to Target for school supplies or setting up my classroom with bright and bold bulletin boards. This Fall, I won’t be tirelessly working on report cards in the middle of the night (oh how I’ll miss that), welcoming happy, smiling faces into my room each day, or sitting beside students helping them learn. Instead, I will be helping my own baby boy grow up. What an honor that will be! Although I will miss my job greatly, no doubt, I hope that the joys of parenthood will supersede. I hope this “new job” will never make me look back for one single second and wonder, “What if?”, but rather say, “It was the best decision I’ve ever made”. I will miss the students and their curiosity, enthusiasm and personalities. They made going to work each day exciting and worthwhile. I will greatly miss the staff I worked with, as they have become family to me. They helped me grow as a person over the course of the past 8 years, and many who are parents themselves, have shared insight and wisdom that I will take on this journey with me. Working with such wonderful people has taught me many wonderful life lessons that I will never forget. Obviously, I do hope to be back with everyone in the near future, but this lady is taking one day at a time…..and as my favorite phrase goes…..seizing the day and living in the moment. Carpe Diem! This little bundle of joy made my decision easier.
While I realize that this just might be the toughest job I’ve ever had….the change is worth it. I will take the good days with the bad….because before you know it, Ethan will be off to college in a blink of an eye. Like Kenny Chesney says, “Don’t Blink” or Trace Adkins with “You’re Gonna Miss This”……I don’t want to let the little moments pass me by. So, here’s to a new road ahead….the first time in my life that I am excited about CHANGE. Don’t get me wrong….this is probably the SCARIEST, MOST INTIMIDATING decision I’ve made ever….but if you never take a risk, you will never see what life has to offer! Sometimes…..the hardest things and the right things are the same 🙂
