Top of the List Tuesday: The Three N’s

So, I’ve been reflecting quite a bit as of late. A little more than usual.

For some reason, I’ve been thinking about myself at different stages of life and the parts of me that have remained the same or changed….

from childhood,
to the tumultuous teenage years,
to cruising through college,
to navigating through my twenties,
to becoming a mom in my thirties.

And every time I reminisce about these stages of life, I always seem to come to the same conclusion.

The person I was 5, 10, even 20 years ago….is still very much the same today.

Reality is, I haven’t changed all that much. I mean, sure, everyone changes. We learn and grow and hopefully become wiser as we age.
But, at the core, I believe we all remain the same.

Whether I’d like to admit it or not, that stubborn and strong willed little girl still resides within me. That curious, inquisitive kid with the tendency to ask far too many questions surfaces often. My quirks, oddities, and idiosyncracies remain the same. As a mature and grown adult, I still bite my nails, even knowing full well it’s a bad habit. I still have an endless am ount of freckles that pepper my face in the summer. I still find candy wrappers in my jean pockets, thanks in part to my sweet tooth. I still fear the dentist and cringe when I hear the word. I still can’t stand wearing socks with the seam resting near the tips of my toes. I still love trampolines. and waterparks. and roller coasters. and the zoo. and craft projects. and cuddling on the couch with my mom. I still am a kid at heart.

BUT, since acquiring the title of “MOM”, I’ve particularly noticed three personal attributes that have reappeared and intensified this past year. Becoming a parent can magnify certain attributes in a way you wouldn’t ever expect.

To say the least.

Say hello to the Three N’s….Neurotic, Narcoleptic, Nostalgic.

They top the list of words to describe

this first time momma…

Neurotic

I’ve always been a slight hypochondriac. I tend to self diagnose myself with a new disease every other day….from having skin cancer to lyme disease to every autoimmune disorder known to man. The internet can become the death of you (pun not intended). A couple weeks ago, I had someone without children ask me out of curiosity, “How often do you (generally speaking) take a baby to the doctor?” My immediate response was, “Hah…um, me? Or the normal parent?” He kind of gave me a puzzled look…understandably so. If you knew me, you’d understand.

I’m a worry wart….that typical “first time” parent….the overly cautious mom. I’m the one who worries that my son may not meet his milestones on time….and in the same breath….when he does meet a milestone….I worry that he is going to get hurt if I’m not watching his every move. I worry about things I have absolutely no control over. It’s a volatile cycle. It’s one that I will never win. I’ve heard countless people say, “The worrying never ends….even when they get older.” Great…just great.

You mean to tell me this feeling never really goes away?

Worrying will come at every stage of life and I am bound to experience it everywhere he goes and with everything he does…. It’s just a part of being a mom. Thank gosh I have a husband who snaps me out of my neuroticism every so often and helps me gain perspective! The more time I spend worrying, the less time I have to enjoy the moment at hand.

Narcoleptic

This trait didn’t just recently emerge. Rather, it has manifested itself over the years…just ask my friends who have experienced it firsthand. Don’t believe me? Well, what twenty something year old takes a trip to NYC with the girls, goes out for a night on the town, ends up at a hip rooftop party overlooking the city, sits down in a chair mid conversation, and falls asleep in the corner, amidst a crowded group of people with bright lights and booming music?

YEP, THAT WOULD BE ME.

Or, how about the time I was in Kansas City with a group of friends at a happening bar, about to take over the dance floor, but for some reason, decided first to rest my head on the table and take a quick little cat nap….to be found only minutes later snoozing away, as my friend is trying to convince the bouncer not to kick me out for “falling asleep” in their establishment.

I had one drink! The music was blaring! The night was young!

YEP, THAT WOULD BE ME.

Sadly, this narcoleptic behavior has only gotten worse since becoming a mom. I can fall asleep anywhere…at any point in time. Having a baby and the continuous lack of sleep only adds to this problem. I would have liked to think there was hope for me in this department, but for some reason, I can’t say I foresee it improving anytime soon.

Nostalgic

At times, I wish I could go back to how things were before I became a mom. You know, things like…being able to stay awake past 9 pm on a weekend (without incessant yawning), sneezing or laughing without pee dribbling down my pant leg (thanks, pregnancy), lasting longer than an hour in high heels instead of reverting to boring “mom” flats, reading a book that does not contain rhyming words on every page, or going to the grocery store without feeling like I’m a contestant on Supermarket Sweep…racing up and down the aisles before the time runs out…in a frantic search for my items.

I wish I could go back to the times before social media took over our lives,

Times when we had real conversations not merely

communicated through a phone or computer.

I wish I could go back to the simple aspects of childhood,

Times when “entertainment” was more about going outside,

exploring, and enjoying nature.

I wish I laughed at myself more….like I used to,
Times when I chalked up mistakes to “life goes on” or “it’s just being a kid”

I wish I would have listened to more of my mom and dad’s advice,

Times when I thought I knew everything about the world around me.

But more importantly,

I wish to become less neurotic, narcoleptic, and nostalgic

So I can enjoy each stage of life just a little bit more!