It is one of the last answers the mother gives to her child in the short video clip below. Her comment resonates with me a lot. It is a simple response, yet so profound. She begins by saying:
You have these fantasies about what your child is going to be like…
It’s true. Haven’t all parents fantasized about the life their children will lead? Don’t we all think about what kind of person they will become? Growing up, most of us at one time or another were asked the age-old question:
How many kids do you want when you get older?
The response typically included a precise number with your ideal gender ratio. Replies to this question may have sounded something like this:
I would like 2 boys and a girl.
OR
I hope I have all boys.
OR
I want twins, a boy and a girl.
We all have done it. We IDEALIZE what our perfect family would consist of and look like. We fantasize about the abilities our children will have, all of our traits we will pass down, and only the “good” part of our genetics they will hopefully acquire. You think things like:
I hope our child likes _____ just like me.
OR
I want our child to enjoy _____ as much as I do.
OR
I hope our child has my _____, ______, and _____.
OR
I hope my child is good at _____.
OR
I hope my child is good at _____.
THEN…..we grow up.
And, we realize that a lot goes into parenting. More than you will ever know.
The number of children you wind up having depends on a lot more than just being someone who “loves kids” or “wants a big family”. Raising a child takes a village, as the old adage goes. It is a huge undertaking and the most important responsibility you will ever take on in your life. Rather than hoping for boys or girls, you yearn for something different. A HEALTHY CHILD. Gender soon becomes irrelevant. You wish more than anything that your child will be able to live out their hopes and dreams.
Yes, we all fantasize. We want the absolute best for them. We all experience times that we live vicariously through the eyes of our children. We want them to feel the same excitement and thrills we had during our youth. Sometimes, kids turn out just like us (not sure if that’s a good or bad thing). And…sometimes, kids turn out the exact opposite than we imagined or fantasized them to be. But, I’ve learned through my family that when this happens, the only thing you can do is…
Embrace it. Welcome the unexpected.
Life is a gift. Your child will teach you more than you ever deemed possible. You will be taken to new depths each day, facing unfamiliar challenges along the way. There WILL be times when you will think to yourself, “This isn’t what I expected. This isn’t what I imagined parenting to be. And….this is a good thing. Sometimes, the unexpected allows you to appreciate life’s greatest blessings!
As you sit here reading this, you may be wondering, how in the world can you speak about something you have no experience with? You just became a mom! Your son is only 8 months old! True. This is true.
But, there are two very special people in my life that have helped me understand some of these truths. My brother and sister-in-law have indirectly taught me the importance of appreciating unexpected moments in life and using those experiences to help you grow! They are absolutely incredible parents….ones who face new challenges EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Their daughter (my niece) has Autism.
Was this what they fantasized about as they began their family? Not quite.
Has it changed them as people? Certainly.
And for the absolute best….without a doubt!
They tackle the tough questions, day in and day out. They face constant criticism and judgement from onlookers and by-passers. They turn the negative into positive. They endure anxiety about the future and face the harrowing unknowns with steadfast optimism.
I’m sure there are times they wish my niece would be able to do things other kids can. But, instead of fantasizing about it…..they make the best out of the hand God dealt them and love her as any parent loves their child. They are honest with her. They encourage her. They answer questions and they ask questions. They do everything in their power to make her feel special and know that she is loved beyond compare.
When life throws you the “unexpected”…..see it as an opportunity to think outside the box…..to become a more creative person and parent.
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